Sunday, July 11, 2010

I guess I'm a blogger...

I am starting a blog for a variety of reasons. I would like to get better at writing. Also, it will be convenient to have the next two years journaled when I have to do my capstone project. Lastly, I feel like I have a lot to write about, or to release. Even if no one reads this, it doesn't matter to me. I will still write.

College is over. Everyone knows that it is coming but no one prepares you for it. I am living at home for the summer before I move to California in August. This summer has been...interesting. Going into it I was excited to be able to breathe and relax because I didn't do either for four years. I am also waiting tables at my high school job, Charleston's. The beginning of post college adulthood was very difficult for me. It wasn't what I expected although I had no idea what to expect. It was a strange adjustment. Up until this summer I had never been alone. Even since elementary school I always had friends around me and things to do. I was such a shock this summer when I had no friends and no money. Just me. Yes I had my parents but we all know that they can't fill certain holes. Their came a point about a month ago that I just broke down. I knew that God had something in store for this summer but I was not growing spiritually or getting my heart ready for the materialistic LA, but I thought I needed to be. I didn't know what to do. I consider myself to be a joyful person most of the time but I could not find that anywhere. I was in a rut and I had no idea what to do. The only way I know how to describe it is I felt sad and lonely. I talked to my sister and a good family friend and perhaps soon to be mentor, Ken and told them everything. They both had similar questions and things to think about. My sister asked me if I loved myself. I thought isn't that kind of a selfish question? I asked what she meant. She asked if I were to have a whole day to myself and couldn't talk to anyone else would I enjoy the day? I said i don't think I would. She told me I was lucky for even having three months off to relax and be with myself.

This got me thinking. I don't think I would have fun with myself. I mean who is that really? This was a cool moment because I knew that I needed to try to figure that out. College si supposed to be a time to "find yourself" and I certainly changed a lot but I believe there are things I have not discovered about myself yet. This is exciting and cool for me to think about. I am ready to spend time this summer alone with God and searching out his plan more and more. And also I want to learn and grow to love myself. Who is this Garrett that is moving to California? I am starting over and having to let go of a a lot but the next chapter is so exciting.

So I guess this summer had gotten better than it was. I am still bored at times and life seems uneventful but I am learning what it means to wait and be patient. I am so ready to move but God isn't done with me yet in Fort Worth. I pray that He will sharpen me and expose negative ways in me so I can grow to more genuinely serve Him.

So here goes. I move August 11 and I will be a grad student at Azusa Pacific University in the College Counseling and Student Development program. I will be the Graduate Assistant for Campus Programming in the Office of Communiversity (APU's student activities office). I am so blessed and do not deserve these opportunities but that is the beauty of the grace of our creator. We get to serve Him in really cool ways even when we don't deserve it. I plan to blog this journey of grad school and I am so pumped for every minute of it.



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